Ugh. I dread writing about this, but I think it will actually be helpful and a little therapeutic.
I’ve never been super skinny, but I’ve never been hugely overweight. I’m 5’3″ and carry a little extra baggage thanks in combination to my forays in drinking in college, the stress and low finances in graduate school, and now my ridiculous work hours. I have a goal in mind of losing 25 pounds, it’s been the same goal for the past few years. I do the same thing that so many do.. every New Year’s Eve I say “this is the year I’m going to lose the extra poundage.” And then I don’t.
This year was no different.
As soon as we got engaged I said “Time to lose the extra weight once and for all, and I have 11 months to do it!” Enter: holiday season. So as with every year, when the clock struck midnight I said “NOW it’s time to lose the weight, and I have 8 months to do it!”
I had a realization yesterday that it’s now almost April and I’ve only lost 10 pounds (which I gained back.. super). I only have FIVE months to lose weight for the biggest day of my life. Where all eyes will be on me. And photos taken will be hung on my walls for the rest of my life.
I know, I know, Cam loves me for me. I respect and certainly appreciate that. I’m sure he’d appreciate the loss of poundage (he self-admittedly has 30 pounds to lose himself), but this is all for me, baby. I want to feel amazing and the most beautiful I ever have on my wedding day.
Where am I going wrong??
Well, I have some ideas.
1. I am a BIG TIME stress eater – long day? tired? PMS? Give me a loaf of bread and I’m happy as a clam.
2. My days that I work are all 12 hour shifts. Either 10am-10pm or 2pm-2am. Either way, there is no meal consistency. Most days I don’t eat AT ALL at work. I make it through on gum and Diet Mountain Dew. Sometime I’ll find a snack size Snickers or, even more rarely, an apple. But I just don’t have time to take a break from the ER madness (believe me, I wish I did!)
People always ask me how I make it through the day like that – I guess I just suppress the hunger? Until I hit my car. Again, I get out of work at the earliest 10pm, but most of my shifts are until 2am or later. Which means I get home and raid my kitchen like I haven’t eaten in days. I’m talking just short of the baking soda in the fridge.
3. I have very poor self-control. At 2am, despite stocking my fridge with vegetables and lean meats, I often end up in the drive-thru at Wendy’s.
4. I HATE working out. Period.
The last few months I’ve had roller coaster weeks – I was doing really well eating right, trying my best to eat throughout the day and if I had to eat at 2am it was good food. I logged everything onto My Fitness Pal. Cam got us both FitBits. I went to the gym regularly, and even tried Cross Fit, Pure Barre and FlyWheel spinning (so fun). Somewhere along the way though, I fell back into my old habits and here I am. No closer to the goal than I was 3 months ago.
I’m getting really frustrated but more so I am disappointed in myself. I know what to do – it’s easy. Less calories in, more calories out. But for some reason I just can’t seem to get my head in the game.
Holy Hips. I have friends who say they would “love to have curves like mine” which I think is a nice way of saying I’m a bit rotund.
Le Sigh! I KNOW I can’t be the only one struggling with weight issues out there – so tell me, hive, how did you lose weight for your wedding? Anyone have issues with eating like mine? Who else works crazy schedules with poor nutritional habits? Any and all advice/encouragement is appreciated.